Perhaps we want to analyse this bull experience, reflect on it and understand.
As we reflect we move past this first experience of the bull, and into thought: experiencing the experience.
We see the bull, then lose it in thought.
The bull is gone! All that is left is our thinking about the bull.
The bellow of the bull is in the body. We must learn to stay attentive to this first experience.
As practice goes on we learn not to lose the bellow: the first experience of stubbornness, of greed, of pain, of anger – whatever it might be. We feel the intensity of these in the body.
The bull snorts, ‘flares up’, and we stay with the experience, aware of it even for just a second.
This is hard: to experience it and not to forget it in thought. This is what awareness is.
Slowly, we learn to carry this cross of first experience.
Your cross is not my cross, your bull is not my bull.
When we fall to our knees, Jesus falls with us.
The bull is I, ego. Its flaring is wounded passion, energy misdirected, longing become desire: the roots of egoism.
The bull has been our shield, our defence; lashing out and then hiding, running amuck then vanishing.
One foot meditation, one foot awareness.