The River and the Bridge VII

On the journey into Love’s experience we can reach moments where our experience of Love begins to challenge the influence we allow fear to have over us. In these moments our experience of Love moves against the grain of fear and the limitations that fear can impose. We grow restless, we feel anger, resentment, longing. Finally we come to enough is enough. In this dynamic Love and Love’s experience stand with us as we slowly turn against the patterns that fear has worn into our minds and hearts. In these moments of grace we allow grace to support and transform our minds and hearts. In time and with enough of these moments, we can grow in Love, and we can find ourselves acting with Love even for fear itself. We come to discover and name the ways through which fear has attempted protection and dominion over us. It may be that we have to keep re-visiting these moments of tension between fear and Love until fear melts enough. Each time we do we move a little more from fear’s influence while moving gracefully into Love’s embrace. In this Love our humanity is let loose to experience the communion between our being and God. In this union of Love our being shines and the world notices. We live more deeply with Love for the world.

 

VII

Fear tries to tell me that here on the bridge I am safe,

far above the unpredictability of life and love.

‘What if you can’t handle a life of love?’

‘What if God asks you to do something you don’t want to do?’

‘What if you don’t want what you think you want?’

Fear is the hall of mirrors man,

the one who would have me in the safety of confusion.

Again frustration and anger rise within me.

I have at last had enough of fearful rendezvous.

I snap.

‘What do you want from me’ I yell at fear.

‘Nothing seems good enough for you.

How dare you come between me and the River, between me and Love!

I will love my deepest desires, they are loved by God.

I will be happy in the living of them!’

‘Don’t go down there,’ (he points to the valley below).

It’s a big scary world and you’re not good enough for it.’

I turn to him seething.

‘Stop coming between me and life!

Stop bringing me here!’

I stop.

Fear falls silent.

I feel compassion for him.

‘Look we both know how hard at times my life has been.

You were at my side when it seemed that no-one else was.

You looked after me the best way you could – by getting me to fear everyone and everything.

Thank you for all you have done and for all you will try to do.

But you must understand that you do not speak the truth to me with Love.

Yes there are times when you do speak truth,

that is why I listen.

But you do it only with fear because that is who you are.

There has been no compassion in you,

no Love when you speak.

Too many times you speak to me only from this bridge.

This is where we have lived apart from Love and apart from my heart.

Or at least we did.

For I have gone to the River with you,

I have faced you with Love.

You were not able to stop me from experiencing Love more deeply.

I know now that there is nothing to fear from Love.

You will not stop me from flowing with the River.’

I turn from fear and walk away.

About Andrew

I am an aspiring contemplative journeying through life practicing a Christian spirituality. I have completed studies in psychology, theology, and counselling. Currently I am in the midst of a masters in theology (specialising in spirituality). I am also an oblate of the World Community for Christian Meditation. View all posts by Andrew

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